Let’s face it. Most mamas at some time in the lives of their children will face Mommy Guilt.
3 reasons how Mommy Guilt steals joy in parenting:
- It often stems from comparing yourself with others.
- It serves no purpose other than to make you feel bad and render you “off your game” as a mom.
- It creates the false idea that you should be perfect all the time.
Comparing yourself to another mom is never a good idea. You have NO idea what life is REALLY like for that other mom. What may look good on the outside is just that – on the outside. You cannot truly know the intimate personal struggles of that other mom. No one knows what goes on in their home and family or what stresses with extended family and friends she endures.
Your individual family is unique. Each individual child and parent that makes up your family has their own personality, struggles, joys, talents, needs, etc. If you have a child who is complex, your family’s uniqueness is especially true.
Mommy guilt serves no useful purpose. The time spent feeling badly about who you aren’t or what you have not done or how smart you think you are not is time not spent on bringing you joy in your parenting. What if you took all that wasted time and put it into finding the simple but amazing joys around you?
We encourage our clients to keep a log of what HAS been done. For example, what if you wrote a list of how you took care of your children today. What if you listed all the times you stopped to wipe a nose, or help a child in the bathroom, or assisted with school work, or taught your child how to tie his shoe, or read a book to your child, or made a meal and cleaned up from it, or washed clothes, or carted a child to an event, bathed a child, or washed a toilet, sink, or tub, etc. What if you recorded each time you prayed over a sleeping child? What if you spent time listing the things that make you smile about each family member? Then, you might have a better picture of what you ARE about and not feel guilty about the things you haven’t said or done. The emphasis is on accomplishments! And I know you have accomplished MUCH.
And remember, no one is perfect. You will mess up as a mom. It is inevitable. The question is, what will you do about it? Wallow in the guilt OR may I suggest you ask your child for forgiveness and move on.
YOU are precious because you are you. Your family loves YOU. Your family needs YOU. They do not need you to try to be like anyone else. Sure, we all need to work on our own personal development, and picking up tips from others to try to make life better for our family is a good thing.
When you bring you to the table and love your family and care about relationship building – that is a huge step to bringing back the joy in parenting. Look at each family member as a precious gem and that you get the privilege of helping them to shine, and it is best if you do it in your own special way.
And if you need support on your journey, let us know. We have a lot of ways we can help at MarchForthFamily.com